12 Non-Empathic Responses
Marshall Rosenberg identified 12 common patterns that block empathic connection. Learn to recognize them to avoid these automatic reflexes.
The 12 Non-Empathic Response Types
Advising
Offering solutions before welcoming what the other person is experiencing.
One-upping
Bringing the conversation back to yourself with a "worse" or "better" experience.
Educating
Turning the situation into a learning opportunity or moral lesson.
Consoling
Trying to "fix" or minimize the other person's emotion.
Story-telling
Sharing a similar personal story that diverts attention.
Shutting down
Cutting off the emotion by encouraging to "move on."
Sympathizing
Pitying the other person's fate without truly connecting to their experience.
Interrogating
Asking questions that serve our curiosity rather than listening.
Explaining
Providing rational explanations about what happened.
Correcting
Correcting the facts or the other person's perception.
Diagnosing
Analyzing or labeling the person or their behavior.
Evaluating
Judging whether the person acted well or poorly.
Why do we respond this way?
These responses are often automatic reflexes learned in childhood. They come from a good intention: to help, comfort, or solve. But they can make the other person feel unheard. The first step is awareness - that's what this exercise is for.
The empathic alternative
Instead of these automatic responses, try reflecting what you hear: "Are you feeling... because you need...?" Stay with the other person's experience without trying to fix, advise, or share your own story.
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