NVC at Work: The Caring Manager's Guide
NVC offers managers powerful tools to create a healthy, productive, and humane work environment.
Information
What research says: According to a Gallup study, teams with empathetic managers have 50% higher engagement. The cost of disengagement is estimated at €7,000/year per employee. NVC isn't just a "feel-good" approach — it's a profitable investment.
💬 Constructive Feedback with NVC
Feedback is one of the most delicate managerial acts. NVC transforms it into a growth opportunity.
Attention
The "feedback sandwich" trap: Compliment → Criticism → Compliment This technique is counterproductive because: Employees learn to expect criticism after the compliment The positive message loses its sincerity The critical message drowns and isn't heard Prefer the clarity of OFNR.
OFNR Structure for Feedback
Formulation OSBD
Corrective feedback: O : I noticed the report was submitted 3 days late and contained several data errors... F : I felt concerned N : I need reliability to plan the team's work and maintain our credibility with the client R : Could you let me know as soon as you anticipate a delay? And what would help you with data verification?
Formulation OSBD
Positive feedback (equally important!): O : When I saw your presentation at the committee yesterday... F : I was impressed and proud N : It meets my need to see the team shine and develop skills R : I'd like you to share your preparation method with the team. What do you think?
⚔️ Managing Team Conflicts
Important
The golden rule of NVC mediation: The manager NEVER takes sides. Their role is to: Create a safe space for everyone to express themselves Translate judgments into feelings and needs Facilitate the search for mutually satisfying solutions
The 4 NVC Mediation Steps
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Create a safe space Everyone must be able to express themselves without fear of retaliation
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Listen to each party Rephrase each person's feelings and needs (not accusations)
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Identify common needs Find what unites rather than divides
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Co-create solutions Involve all parties in the resolution
Exemple de dialogue
Mediation between two colleagues: Manager : "Marie, when you hear Pierre say he had to finish the file alone, how do you feel?" Marie : "I feel unfairly accused. I was overwhelmed with the Alpha project!" Manager : "You feel accused and you need your workload to be recognized. Is that right?" Marie : "Yes, exactly." Manager : "Pierre, you hear Marie's need to be understood. And you, what was your need when you had to finish alone?" Pierre : "I needed support. I felt abandoned." Manager : "You both need support and recognition. How could we better anticipate these situations in the future?"
📋 Effective Meetings with NVC
Conseil
Start-of-meeting check-in (5 min): Each participant answers in 1-2 sentences: "How am I arriving at this meeting?" (internal weather) Benefits: increased presence, mutual empathy, tension detection. End-of-meeting check-out (3 min): "How am I leaving? What am I taking away?" Benefits: anchoring decisions, expressing unspoken thoughts.
NVC Ground Rules for Meetings
- Everyone speaks using "I" (not "we think that...")
- We listen without interrupting
- We rephrase before responding
- We distinguish facts from interpretations
- We look for needs behind positions
NVC Meeting Structure
- Check-in: How is everyone arriving? (2 min per person max)
- Agenda: Prioritize together (not imposed)
- Discussions: Using OFNR when necessary
- Decisions: By consent rather than consensus
- Check-out: How is everyone leaving?
🔥 Manager's Self-Empathy
Before a difficult conversation (performance review, termination, conflict), the NVC manager practices self-empathy.
Besoin identifié
Self-empathy exercise before a difficult conversation: "What am I feeling about this situation?" → Apprehension, stress, maybe guilt... "What are my needs?" → Clarity, integrity, mutual respect, effectiveness... "What is my deep intention?" → Being honest while preserving the other person's dignity. This inner preparation allows you to approach the conversation with more serenity and presence.
🗣️ Difficult Conversations: Performance Reviews and Terminations
Exemple de dialogue
NVC Performance Review: Manager : "Jean, I've observed that over the last 3 months, you arrived after 10am on 12 occasions when our team agreement is 9:30am. (O) I feel concerned and also a bit frustrated (F), because I need fairness in the team and to be able to count on everyone (N). What's going on for you? (listening) ... And how could we find a solution that works for both of us? (R)"
Exemple de dialogue
Termination announcement (the message remains difficult, how you say it changes everything): Manager : "This conversation is difficult for me too. After the various discussions we've had and the support put in place, the company has decided to end your contract. (O) I feel sad (F), because I would have wanted it to work out and I know this is very difficult news (N). I want to ensure this transition goes as smoothly as possible for you (R). What would be important to you in the coming weeks?"
🚀 Intrinsic Motivation
Besoin identifié
The 3 fundamental needs at work (Deci & Ryan): Autonomy : Having choice over how to do your work Competence : Feeling capable and growing Connection : Feeling connected to a team, contributing NVC allows you to nurture these needs daily.
NVC promotes intrinsic motivation by:
- Recognizing everyone's contributions (positive OFNR feedback)
- Giving autonomy over the "how"
- Creating shared meaning (the "why" of work)
- Fostering personal development
✍️ Practical Exercises for Managers
Exercice pratique
Transform these situations into NVC responses: Scenario 1: Repeated lateness ❌ Classic: "That's the 3rd time this month! Next time, it's a written warning." ✅ NVC: ? Scenario 2: Costly mistake ❌ Classic: "How could you do that? This is really sloppy work." ✅ NVC: ? Scenario 3: Raise request denied ❌ Classic: "It's not possible, the budget doesn't allow it." ✅ NVC: ? Scenario 4: Demotivated employee ❌ Classic: "You need to get it together, your attitude is affecting the team." ✅ NVC: ? Take time to formulate your OFNR responses for each situation.
🌟 Conclusion
"People don't resist change. They resist being changed." — Peter Senge
NVC for managers isn't about being "nice" or "soft." It's about being clear about what you observe, authentic about what you feel, conscious of the needs at stake, and precise in your requests.
It's a posture that requires courage: the courage of vulnerability, the courage of clarity, the courage of empathy.
The results? More engaged teams, less turnover, fewer escalating conflicts, and an environment where people want to give their best.